Do You Secretly Have a “Mean Streak”? Here’s What That Really Means (And Why It’s Not What You Think)

I want to share something personal with you today — something I’ve never been afraid to explore, but got called out on it today by a close friend and decided it was time to write about it.

Years ago a client told me that most of the time I seemed like an angel, but at others the scariest witch!

Most people who meet me would describe me as spiritual, balanced, loving, evolved, compassionate…and funny. And that’s all true.

And, I also have a sharp edge.

A part of me that gets irritated quickly when people don’t think before they speak…
when they’re disorganised…
when they act without awareness…
or even when a neighbour parks in what I consider to be “my” spot (even though it isn’t actually mine!).

There’s a part of me that can feel… well… mean.

Not in a way I’d ever act on. Not in a way that harms others. But the feeling is still there, a tight, bristly reaction inside. I don’t like feeling it either.

And for a long time, I thought this made me a bad person. I thought I needed to “become more angelic,” more endlessly patient, more saintlike.

But after years of personal healing, trauma work, and spiritual growth, I finally understand something:

That sharp edge isn’t who I am. It’s who I had to be.

I grew up with two parents who were both brilliant, funny, talented…
and also deeply narcissistic in their own ways.

My mother was an extremely talented artist and narcissistic alcoholic, but she healed, and I loved her so much. She was living in the shadow of my father’s even stronger narcissistic traits, among others that I keep a secret to myself about, as I’m sure he does with me too! He is also an immensely talented writer and speaker and a highly opinionated workaholic… and simultaneously the most generous, loving, and hilarious man I know. And I adore him.

My family wasn’t simple. It wasn’t straightforward. It certainly wasn’t calm.

Love existed unquestionably, but so did volatility, criticism, boundary-crossing, walking on eggshells, unpredictability, and emotional turbulence.

And in homes like many of us have come from, with some level of mixed messages, children develop protective parts.

These parts are clever. They’re fast. They know how to anticipate chaos before it arrives. They know how to keep you safe by staying three steps ahead.

For me, that protector shows up as irritation, not just with others but the very ‘hard on myself’ part too.

• “Why aren’t you thinking this through?”
• “Why are you creating chaos?”
• “Why can’t you be more aware?”
• “Why do you do this every time?”
• “Don’t disrupt my sense of order and safety!”

It feels like intolerance. But it’s really hypervigilance dressed up as judgement. It’s the part of me that learned very early that if things get messy, unpredictable, or chaotic… I might get hurt.

That’s not mean. That’s survival. I also modelled high organisational and practical skills from both parents who were clean freaks and everything had a place. 

The stuffed animals on my bed were always lined up in perfect order, and my bookshelves were also neat. My sister, not so much. It can manifest in a multitude of ways within the same family. I modelled order. That helped me feel safe. 

If you have a ‘Mean Streak’ it might be a protector too! Or maybe something you are calling in subconsciously that you still need to learn?

Many spiritually aware, emotionally intelligent women tell me they resonate with this. They want to be soft, loving, open, angelic…but inside there’s a sharp-tongued part that reacts before they can catch it.

Here’s the truth I wish someone had told me years ago:

This isn’t your shadow! WHAT??!! This isn’t your flaw. This is your protector. And she’s exhausted.

She’s been working since childhood and thinks she still needs to manage every possible threat. Even when the “threat” is just a neighbour taking “your” parking spot.

You don’t need to eliminate this mean part, you need to integrate her!

A lot of spiritual teachings accidentally encourage us to suppress or shame the parts of ourselves that don’t feel “love and light.” But we’re not spiritually bypassing here; true healing isn’t about amputating the parts that feel sharp. It’s about loving them enough so that they can soften.

Here’s what worked for me and what I teach and practice.

Rename the part.

Not “my mean streak,” but instead:

• My Protector
• My Fierce One
• My Boundary Keeper
• My Jaguar!

Give her dignity.

Thank her.

She saved you in childhood, even if she annoys you now. And we all love a little bit of gratitude. 

Let her retire from survival mode.

Tell her, “Thank you. Truly. But we’re safe now. You don’t need to react so quickly.” Have a chat with your Higher Self and reassure her you no longer need to learn patience…or whatever it is that you need when you’re triggered.

Show her your adult self is capable.

The spiritually evolved you isn’t weak or naïve — she’s grounded and discerning. She feels what she feels free from self judgement. 

Bring humour when she flares.

I often catch myself thinking something snarky and say internally,

“Ahh, there she is, my inner jaguar biting off people’s heads! Thank you for your enthusiasm. I’ve got this one.”

And then I stop energetically keying the car in “my spot”! 😉 It disarms the intensity beautifully.

You don’t become angelic by being perfect. Your parents are not going to love you more. You become angelic by becoming whole. If indeed you even want to be angelic!

By integrating the parts that protected you and loving the parts that bristle.
By understanding the origins of your irritation and grounding your nervous system in safety instead of vigilance.

Your fire is not the opposite of your love. Your sharpness is not the opposite of your compassion. They’re meant to coexist and inform each other.
They’re meant to evolve together.

And when that happens? You don’t just become angelic.

You become sovereign.

Want help embracing your inner mean girl? Book a call  https://bit.ly/SOMindshift