Having a Hard Time Letting Go

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Isn’t it annoying when you’re quite happily attached to wallowing in your upset feelings, when someone chirpy and ridiculously happy comes along and says, “Let it go!”?

Yeah, that’s me. I’m the annoyingly positive “let it go” coach. So let me just explain where I’m coming from with that because I’ve been on the other side too.

“I don’t want to ‘let it go’, because I’m not done feeling it fully, yet.”

Have you ever been really sick? I mean like, seriously sick in bed. You can’t watch TV because the noise is too much for your ears. Movement on the screen hurts your eyes. You can’t read because Oh My God, the light is going to just kill you. You can’t even drink too much. And you’re curled up in bed and you’ve got a hot water bottle on your tummy and a cold cloth on your head and all you can do is just lay there.

You don’t generally expect to go to bed one afternoon and wake up completely well the next morning. You know this is going to be a little bit of a process.

You probably have gone to the doctor or notified her and taken some medication, and you’re doing whatever you can so that you will feel better. Even if it just means laying there.

You lay there in the dark. You don’t talk to anybody. And you surrender. You surrender until you’ve let go of your control.

But you understand that it’s a process and it’s not going to happen overnight. So you lay there and after a few days in, you think, ‘Oh, yeah, I could just about open those curtains now’ and you feel that kind of heaviness has lifted off of you a bit.

You think, ‘okay, okay, I’m on the mend.’ I still need to stay in bed, but at least now I can sit up, I can have a conversation. I can drink that cup of tea. Maybe I can even watch a little programme on TV. And you realise ‘Okay, there’s hope I will heal from this.’

And you start to feel better.

So it makes me really curious. Why don’t you do whatever you possibly can with your emotions to feel better with your feelings?

After you’ve been sick, maybe it’s going to take a week or two to get your energy back fully and if those medications that the doctor gave you didn’t work, you’ll find some other way to feel better.

Maybe you’ll get a massage, or see a homoeopath, something to get your energy back up. Anything, to feel better, yet emotionally, you choose to stay stuck in your feelings by not doing anything to change them.

You get very comfortable in your uncomfortableness. Why are you holding on to fear, anxiety, worry and sadness, when you can work towards feeling better emotions to help yourself let go of those toxic feelings?

And when I talk about letting go I understand it’s not going to just happen overnight. This is where the practice comes in.

Sure, some things are easy to let go of and you may even wonder is this really worth the amount of energy and effort that I’m giving to this silly little problem? You tell yourself, “Forget it. I’m choosing to let go of this.” And you can, easily, and in a snap, it’s gone.

But bigger things, more important issues, you need to work on and practice. The longer and more chronic the habit or behaviour that you are trying to change, the more practice it will take. So how do you practice? By noticing your thoughts, words and actions.

If you are chronically angry for example, you may have to practice replacing anger with curiosity instead. Notice that you feel angry, then ask yourself, ‘Why am I feeling this way? What triggered this response in me?’

Sometimes you are so caught up in your emotion of the moment that you find it hard to stop and just breathe, or even notice what you are feeling.

When you can’t let go, it’s because your energy has contracted around whatever you’re holding onto.

Just noticing your thoughts in the present moment is huge. It can change everything. When you are stressed your energy field contracts, it makes everything feel tighter. How would it be to nip stress in the bud before it takes over your entire mood?

Here are a few things you can do to help you calm down in a tense moment.

When you notice your thoughts are negative stop whatever you’re doing and breathe deeply. Drink some water if that’s available.

Think about your negative thought and say out loud, “Cancel that thought!” Affirm a more positive statement even if you don’t believe it, just imagine a wonderful feeling and situation for yourself.

If it’s anger, say to yourself, “I know what it feels like to be calm. I know what it feels like to let go of attachment to anger.”

Tap firmly above your sternum on your thymus quite firmly and keep tapping it, you will feel your energy kind of coming down off the ceiling sinking down to make you feel calmer.

Tapping your thymus can help you feel calmer for any kind kind of shock even if it’s literal like touching an electric fence.

If you do this when you’re feeling panicked, stressed out, or upset, this can help get you back in alignment so that you are calmer, choose the better feeling thought and be able to let go of all of those things that are holding you back.

By noticing your feelings in the moment and stopping immediately to calm yourself and rewire your thinking, it is much easier to let go of the attachment to whatever it is that’s holding you back.

In an aligned state you are energetically in flow, more likely to choose better feeling thoughts naturally, and with consistent practice you realise you have a choice in the present moment as to how you want to feel.

Become a daily case of preventative emotional medicine by “letting it go” so that you no longer sweat the small stuff.


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