The People Who Receive You

After nearly two weeks of travelling, I’m on my way home. Restored in my soul, happy in my connections and full, in every sense of the word.

I saw new cities, had spectacular cultural experiences, and unlike my usual healthy eating discipline, I fully committed to the gelato and pasta plan in Italy and the wine, cheese and bread plan in France, enjoying every single bite. Because food is part of the joy and experience of travel, and I wasn’t there to be careful. I was there to receive.

Usually when I visit family, they’re still in their routines, still in their habitat, and I fit in around the edges. What felt different and extra special this time was spending time with my father and sister in a completely new place, all of us navigating the unknown together. Sharing what moved us. Finding our way. It felt more bonding somehow, more memorable, because no one had the home advantage. We were all equally new to it.

With my two closest shamanic girlfriends, both of whom I met in shaman school 25 years ago, I was happy simply to be in their spaces. It helps me visualise where they are when we’re in touch throughout the year.

I’ve seen Flaminia more than most over the years. We’ve hiked in the high alps, spent time in her place in Milan, mine in Ilkley, and this time in her beautiful apartment in Rome. I feel genuinely blessed that we’ve been able to see so many different facets of each other across time and terrain, rather than just one small slice of who we each are.

Barbara I hadn’t seen in ten years. She moves around the world even more than I do. The last time we were together was in Denmark with Flaminia and another shaman sister, Rikke. A lot happens in a decade. Both of us had lived in multiple homes, different countries. We’re not brilliant at keeping in touch, though we follow each other on Facebook, which as we all know is just a sliver of someone’s reality.

Not a minute had passed. We were in hysterics within the hour over a bottle of fabulous French wine.

From Florence I flew to Toulouse, where Barbara very kindly took the train to meet me. It was pouring with rain, but I got the essence of the city. We took our time over a long, connective lunch and wandered through the market. I love foreign markets. Even vegetables feel exciting when they’re displayed in another country, usually bigger, fresher, more alive than what we find at home.

She lives in Pau, a sweet, beautiful little city with everything you actually need day to day. Her terrace looks out over the architecturally gorgeous town with the Pyrenees as a backdrop, when the moody clouds would permit them to show off. We went out a few times, but mostly we were at hers, bonding with her two cats and doing a fair amount of energy healing work together. I’m always honoured when someone allows me to play with their energy field. I’m quite particular about who I let into mine.

Barbara is an extraordinary cook and prepared us wonderful healthy food to accompany my wine and cheese plan.

On the final day we took the train to Biarritz. Spectacularly positioned, lining the turquoise coast with dramatic rocks, lighthouses and beautiful old buildings. Her friend collected us from the station, took us home for coffee, then out to the lighthouse for the sweeping view before dropping us at our hotel. We walked and walked along the hydrangeas, the beach, the crashing waves.

We’d both heard of the 36 Questions, the ones from psychologist Arthur Aron’s 1997 study, “The Experimental Generation of Interpersonal Closeness,” the idea being that closeness between two people isn’t just something that happens organically over time. It can be deliberately generated through a specific kind of mutual, escalating self-disclosure. They’re typically used by couples wanting to deepen their connection, but we decided to go through them together anyway.

It was a genuinely interesting process. We discovered shared qualities we hadn’t articulated before. We also thought several questions were repetitive, and a handful we skipped entirely because we already knew the answer. And we both felt some important things were conspicuously absent: sex, money, spirituality, politics. The things that actually make or break a couple. Those didn’t get a look in.

We didn’t gaze into each other’s eyes for four minutes at the end either. We probably already did that in shaman school two and a half decades ago.

But what struck me most was realising there were things I didn’t know about some of my closest friends. So if you’re looking for connection, take from it what you can. Our favourite part was alternating qualities we appreciate about the other. We were supposed to say four or five. We went on and on.

When you speak your values out loud to another person, you hear them yourself. Some of the questions made me genuinely think. Others made us roll our eyes, the ones asking you to pick “one thing.” Life is layered, complex, entirely contextual. Nothing falls neatly into a “one thing” category. Not for me.

But what kept surfacing, again and again, as the overarching truth underneath everything, was this: connection.

It started simply. When I was planning the Italian leg of my trip to meet my father and sister, their cruise was continuing on to France. That thought led straight to Barbara. And immediately I felt: yes. It’s time. I love that after ten years I could message her, invite myself to see her, and be so warmly received.

I’ve probably gained a full clothes size on this trip. I don’t care.

I learned things about myself I thought were already settled. I connected more deeply with the people I love. I saw my father and sister in a completely new light. Travel is the best teacher because it pulls you out of your comfort zone and puts you face to face with who you actually are, and who truly matters.

There is a yearning in me now to reconnect with all my lifelong friends scattered across this globe. And if Peru has ever whispered to you, if you’re ready to have a life-changing experience and deepen your connections in one of the most sacred places on earth, I’m leading a trip in late September 2027. It’s always extraordinary to have new experiences with old friends. It cements what you already have with a depth and understanding you carry with you forever.

Book a call: https://bit.ly/MyTruthMap