When “Love and Light” Becomes Avoidance: How Toxic Positivity Shows Up in Spiritual Spaces

I am a highly positive person. I tend to lean on the side of the glass being half full.  I retain hope and faith when things feel like they are falling apart.

But that doesn’t mean that I am oblivious to my discomfort or the suffering of others. It doesn’t mean that I am not willing to talk about the difficult circumstances or situation, or that I am in denial of them.  

Being positive in a tough situation, in my opinion is an asset, but then, I understand about vibration, frequency and the law of attraction.  And I have deep faith. But not everyone does.

Being predominantly positive doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel like crap or be sad or angry, it’s a deeper understanding that the intense discomfort is temporary.  

But sometimes in spiritual or self-development circles particularly, people feel ashamed of not being able to stay positive all the time. They feel the pressure that if you feel sadness, anger, or grief, you’re somehow failing your spiritual path.

People not on the path of self development may interpret your positivity as toxic because they may be deep in suffering or victim mode and unable to receive any light on the subject, even if the actual wounding is not being ignored. 

Many of us are drawn to spiritual growth because we’ve experienced pain. We’re reaching for something bigger, deeper, more meaningful — a place of truth.

But somewhere along the way, spirituality can be misinterpreted as: not feeling negative emotions!

This is not spirituality — it’s emotional bypassing.

I do “Think positively” and “Trust the universe.” I also work at  “Shifting my vibration,” but not until I have experienced the trigger, allowed myself to feel the anger, fear, upset, sadness, and unravelling.

It is the moving THROUGH the difficult emotions that enable you to come out the other side and revel in the joy, or at least find acceptance.

Otherwise, you’re not healing your emotions, you’re hiding from them. 

The truth is that emotions are gateways into healing. They carry wisdom. They show us where something in our system is asking for warmth, for attention, or for being witnessed.

When we suppress emotional truth in the name of “love and light,” we don’t transcend pain — we bury it. That is toxic positivity.

Avoiding difficult emotions is not enlightenment — it is a survival strategy. 

True spiritual growth is not about being unaffected by life.
It is about being deeply touched by life — and staying in relationship with yourself through it. And, you can still find humour, love, delight, compassion and all the good positive things WHILE you’re struggling.

Or, you might not! I personally had one of the most difficult years last year, with shingles and then spiralling into Dark Night of the Soul. I was suffering big time.  But because I am a naturally positive person, and know from my lifetime experience on my healing path that I am, the only person who can create inner peace for myself, I did my very best to retain my sense of humour.

Did I succeed every day?  No. I cried. I resisted. I struggled. 

What if spirituality wasn’t about escaping the human experience — but inhabiting it more fully?

This is the path of real integration, where trauma completes, where cycles end. And, where we come home to ourselves.

Feel what you feel, free from judgement of yourself, and of others. We’re not all in the same boat, some are hanging on to a life raft and some are wining and dining on a cruise. 

When you communicate clearly to others what you are actually feeling instead of it being a “no go area,” you allow others to hold space for you with more compassion.

Need help? Book a call.