Do You Put Your Needs First Or Others Ahead Of Your Own?

[fusion_builder_container type=”flex” hundred_percent=”no” hundred_percent_height=”no” min_height=”” hundred_percent_height_scroll=”no” align_content=”stretch” flex_align_items=”flex-start” flex_justify_content=”flex-start” flex_column_spacing=”” hundred_percent_height_center_content=”yes” equal_height_columns=”no” container_tag=”div” menu_anchor=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” status=”published” publish_date=”” class=”” id=”” link_color=”” link_hover_color=”” border_sizes=”” border_sizes_top=”” border_sizes_right=”” border_sizes_bottom=”” border_sizes_left=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” spacing_medium=”” margin_top_medium=”” margin_bottom_medium=”” spacing_small=”” margin_top_small=”” margin_bottom_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” padding_dimensions_medium=”” padding_top_medium=”” padding_right_medium=”” padding_bottom_medium=”” padding_left_medium=”” padding_dimensions_small=”” padding_top_small=”” padding_right_small=”” padding_bottom_small=”” padding_left_small=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” box_shadow=”no” box_shadow_vertical=”” box_shadow_horizontal=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” z_index=”” overflow=”” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ background_color=”” background_image=”” background_position=”center center” background_repeat=”no-repeat” fade=”no” background_parallax=”none” enable_mobile=”no” parallax_speed=”0.3″ background_blend_mode=”none” video_mp4=”” video_webm=”” video_ogv=”” video_url=”” video_aspect_ratio=”16:9″ video_loop=”yes” video_mute=”yes” video_preview_image=”” absolute=”off” absolute_devices=”small,medium,large” sticky=”off” sticky_devices=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_background_color=”” sticky_height=”” sticky_offset=”” sticky_transition_offset=”0″ scroll_offset=”0″ animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type=”1_1″ align_self=”auto” content_layout=”column” align_content=”flex-start” content_wrap=”wrap” spacing=”” center_content=”no” link=”” target=”_self” min_height=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” type_medium=”” type_small=”” type=”1_1″ order_medium=”0″ order_small=”0″ dimension_spacing_medium=”” dimension_spacing_small=”” dimension_spacing=”” dimension_margin_medium=”” dimension_margin_small=”” margin_top=”” margin_bottom=”” padding_medium=”” padding_small=”” padding_top=”” padding_right=”” padding_bottom=”” padding_left=”” hover_type=”none” border_sizes=”” border_color=”” border_style=”solid” border_radius=”” box_shadow=”no” dimension_box_shadow=”” box_shadow_blur=”0″ box_shadow_spread=”0″ box_shadow_color=”” box_shadow_style=”” background_type=”single” gradient_start_color=”” gradient_end_color=”” gradient_start_position=”0″ gradient_end_position=”100″ gradient_type=”linear” radial_direction=”center center” linear_angle=”180″ background_color=”” background_image=”” background_image_id=”” background_position=”left top” background_repeat=”no-repeat” background_blend_mode=”none” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=”” filter_type=”regular” filter_hue=”0″ filter_saturation=”100″ filter_brightness=”100″ filter_contrast=”100″ filter_invert=”0″ filter_sepia=”0″ filter_opacity=”100″ filter_blur=”0″ filter_hue_hover=”0″ filter_saturation_hover=”100″ filter_brightness_hover=”100″ filter_contrast_hover=”100″ filter_invert_hover=”0″ filter_sepia_hover=”0″ filter_opacity_hover=”100″ filter_blur_hover=”0″ last=”no” border_position=”all”][fusion_text columns=”” column_min_width=”” column_spacing=”” rule_style=”default” rule_size=”” rule_color=”” content_alignment_medium=”” content_alignment_small=”” content_alignment=”” hide_on_mobile=”small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility” sticky_display=”normal,sticky” class=”” id=”” font_size=”” fusion_font_family_text_font=”” fusion_font_variant_text_font=”” line_height=”” letter_spacing=”” text_color=”” animation_type=”” animation_direction=”left” animation_speed=”0.3″ animation_offset=””]

What’s important to think about is that if we’re not grounded and in alignment for ourselves, while we’re bending over backwards to put other people’s needs ahead of our own all the time, our own energy is going to become drained.

Now, obviously, there are times that we are putting other people’s needs ahead of our own, like if you’re a young parent and your baby has a wet nappy and it needs changing, of course, you’re going to do that before anything else. You’re going to tend to the needs of your kids first.

But sometimes life gets very over demanding and we can get in that pattern of pleasing others. That’s when you’re really bending over backwards to take care of everybody else’s needs all around you, without consciously thinking if it’s the best time for you to be doing this.

Are you asking yourself, ’is this really what I want to do?’ and, ‘what’s the reason for me dropping everything to help right now?’ Is it because you feel like you’re not going to be wanted or loved if you’re not putting everybody’s needs ahead of your own?

Many years ago, I was a ‘please others’ person. It’s actually a Transactional Analysis Personality Type. My friends were so important to me, sometimes I put them ahead of my own family, which was crazy, but that was the trap that I was in.

After starting all of this spiritual development work and healing my stuff, I started to really think about if it was a good time for me or if I really needed to do whatever was being asked of me.

Was there somebody else that could help them because I’m busy with my kids and I’ve got other more important things to do?

I started to really nurture myself first and look at my own needs. And you know what happened? I lost a lot of so called “friends” during that time because they said to me, “Shannon, you’re just becoming so selfish!”

I would clap my hands and say, “yes I know, I’ve worked really hard for this!” The word selfish has such a negative connotation, but really, we have to put ourselves first. Because if you’re depleted of your own energy and you’re constantly giving, giving, giving, where does that leave you?

It sets up a trap when you are constantly giving at your own expense, because you are not very good about asking for help when you need it. And when you finally do ask for help and your friends aren’t bending over backwards to help you, that’s when you feel hurt, rejected, unwanted, whatever your trigger is.

You get resentful, “after everything I’ve done for you!”  It sets up an unspoken expectation that will never be met. I really encourage you to look at those patterns in your life. See if it’s a good time for you to help someone.

We’re allowed to have boundaries. After I lost all of those so called best friends, I got a whole bunch of new best friends who love me just as I am and accept my boundaries, without judgement.

This is how true friendship and true relationships work when you’re both aligned.  Sometimes we can’t help our friends or be there for our family all the time.

I’m a real giver. I love to help everybody in any way that I can. But I’ve learned over the years how important it is to nurture myself first, create clear boundaries and really see what’s important to me.

Otherwise you end up stretching yourself too thin. And then you get really stressed out about all of the little stuff. This all is under that umbrella of sweating the small stuff, not creating boundaries, fearing rejection and a multitude of other subjects.  They all connect.

There’s an underlying reason and there will be a trigger for it. Probably, like most things, something you learned from childhood, maybe one of your parents did this, or maybe you felt you had to constantly please your parents!

Of course like any pattern, conscious or subconscious we have the power to change it!  I’d love to help you change your limiting patterns so you can stay in alignment regardless of all the requests being made of you each day.

f you feel you’re ready now to move your energy and be present in your Spiritually Conscious Travels then please book a call with me.
Click here: https://bit.ly/SOHealing

And if you haven’t already, please join my free Facebook group, The Spiritually Conscious Traveller Global Community to learn how to discover, recognise and release limiting, subconscious, habitual patterns so you can live the life you love.

Click Here to Join: http://bit.ly/SpirituallyConsciousTraveller

Download the Abundance Blockers e-book for $11.11 www.shannonoflaherty.com/shop

[/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

Latest articles

Helping you make peace with your story

Subscribe To Our newsletter

Book a complimentary mindshift call

Take the first step to speaking your truth