Self Absorbed or Self Loving?

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Self absorption shows up in many different ways and sometimes we don’t think of it as that. For example, feeling financially stressed all of the time is a type of self absorption or helicopter parenting or overcompensating or when we’re so busy doing so many things like fretting over things out of our control or trying to control certain things, or worrying about stuff.

When we’re actively focusing on all of our lack and the things that are going wrong, that is self absorption.

If we want to achieve that diamond clarity that we’re all searching for and wishing for, we need to be very down to earth with ourselves every day, and grounded.

That’s something you might need to actually practice and implement. I certainly did in the beginning, all those years ago, I had to train myself to be grounded because I was so busy flying around the world on my broomstick most of the time!

When I would ground myself every day, consciously choosing to be here in my body connected to this earth, life took on a much more calm existence for me.

Having diamond clarity is being connected to your community and being self made, which means how you’re going to create your day to day life.

Being self made is not just about having millions of dollars or whatever it is that you want, being self made is how are you showing up for yourself every day, spending a few moments in gratitude every single day for what you do have.

Most people focus every day on the stuff that they don’t have, “oh this is annoying, that’s not working out, oh gosh another bill to pay…” and there’s all of this negativity going out, you might not even hear yourself having these thoughts and that’s a really good place to start right there.

When you start to consciously focus every day and not just once a day for a little minute, tune in in the morning and the afternoon and in the evening, find five or 10 things about your life that’s going on for you personally right now that you’re really grateful for.

Sometimes it feels like we have to dig and really search for crumbs to be grateful for, but so what. Find them, because it changes your whole energy. And so when you’re self made and you’re being grateful for all of the things that are going well in your life, it causes your appreciation vibration to rise up and that gets you out of being self absorbed with everything that’s spiralling down.

So basically, what are you experiencing in your life, and how are you grateful for it?

Financial stress is self absorption, because we’re focusing on the lack all the time, all of those pixelated shadow parts of ourselves that are strewn all throughout our bodies, all throughout our cells, all throughout our timeline, and our lifeline.

These shadow parts, pixelated pieces, one attaches onto the next one and it sends us down that rabbit hole on a spiral down into despair. You might just be stressing about money and you’re thinking, “oh gosh, I hate my job and now I have to go there and yet still I don’t have enough money at the end of the month because there’s always something else… Something else is going wrong. I can’t pay all of the bills, I’m having to juggle money all of the time, when is it ever going to end?”

And then your kid comes up to you and says “Daddy, I need a pair of new trainers,” and you lose the plot at the kid, and it has nothing to do with the kid, it’s because you’ve already gone down that whole spiral of doom and gloom. And so, one little thing your kid asks you for, new trainers, triggers you and you respond in an angry way instead of being aligned and thinking more proactively about how you’re going to change it, how are you shifting those pixelated parts in you so that you can create your own wealth?

Like being kind to yourself, nurturing yourself, how are you recreating those stories, away from what your parents believed and taught you to believe, and into what you want to believe even if you’re not believing it right now?

It’s what we focus on. We want to focus on what we want to create, what we want to believe, how we want to be, that’s the image and feeling that we’re focusing on, because that’s what we want to call in.

Now that’s not being self absorbed, because that’s changing our vibrational level that we’re putting out so you need to pay attention to all of the things that are triggering you, and to what your thoughts going on around it are so if it’s your money game, you’ve got to give yourself permission first of all to rise up the ranks in your own abundance.

One of the beliefs I found over the years is that a lot of people think that they’re not allowed to be more successful than their parents. I know that’s not something that we might lose any sleep over, but these are subconscious programmes that we’ve got playing on in the background constantly that are holding us back or making us continue to sabotage ourselves – all of these not good enough kind of messages coming in.

There’s always a positive message that you can have creature comforts, you can be well loved, you can create having lived a life that is satisfying and fulfilling, and without being self absorbed, you can do all of that, while being generous, giving and including your friends while having a wonderful time.

I often talk to my students about the word selfish, and how we need to be selfish in the good way. Self-first, because if you don’t love yourself first and if you can’t show up fully for yourself first, how can you be fully available to show up and help other people from your heart aligned, grounded space?

Being self absorbed in your story doesn’t create peace and harmony in your reality. Oftentimes working with clients and students, I hear them repeating their story over and over and I don’t really need to hear the whole story, I need to just get a general essence of it.

In fact, I don’t want people to stay in their story, because every time you say, I am happy, I am sad, I am rich, I am poor, I am fat, I am gorgeous whatever you are saying “I am” to, you’re putting it out there in the universe, you’re making a proclamation of “this is how things are.”

Listen to the words that you’re using, so that you can stay out of attributing your “I Am-ness” to everything that is around you. You have to make peace and harmony yours, from within yourself so that you can align to prosperity in all areas of your life.

Nobody can do that for you. You have to be willing to be loyal enough to yourself, but not self absorbed.

Some people are so thick in it, taking care of so many other people that I’ve heard a lot of young mothers for example who don’t even give themselves the gift of bathroom door shut, hot bath with salt and candles maybe a glass of wine because, “I don’t have the time,” because they’re giving and running around after everybody else all the time. At their own expense.

But the first way to abundance is to start to nurture yourself and put self care as a priority, into your day to day life. Peace and harmony starts from within, and it starts with pampering yourself, changing your inner dialogue that you’ve got going on with yourself because if you’re always talking to yourself like, “you stupid idiot, or why did I do that, oh gosh, that wasn’t very intelligent” If your internal dialoguing is you constantly putting yourself down, well first of all, who did you learn that from? One of your parents probably did that, either to themselves or to you.

We are the masters of our brains and of what we’re thinking and of what we’re taking in and of what we’re putting out, and so you have the ability to change all of that. Being self absorbed is about thinking that you’re the centre of the world, and that everything that happens around you and in your life is happening to you, because every story comes back to you.

But this is where the reframe has to happen because that’s just all of those pixelated pieces of yourself, all of those shadow parts like broken glass that you’re constantly stepping on, and you’re stepping on this broken glass, expecting to be comfortable, but that’s not how it works.

You’ve got to find out what all of those pieces are that are not flowing properly and clean them up. And we’ve got to put down the doom and gloom stories that are causing our triggers or our upset, or are beginning to spiral us down and we’ve got to ask ourselves some questions to help us move from fear into love and to help us learn to stay there.

Because this is what we’re all aiming to achieve, to get rid of the past stuff that is still holding us back, mainly at a subconscious level, and to allow ourselves to raise up our vibration.

Raise our appreciation levels so that we can move into a place of love and see the world and others, and mainly ourselves with love and with self nurturing and self care, because then, first of all, we’re a lot more approachable, and we can care for others, and we can look at everything that’s going on in our lives, and take responsibility for our part in creating  and manifesting it.

Even the bad stuff, it’s not happening to us, it’s just happening, and then maybe with our new perspective, we can say okay well, what am I feeling? Contrast.

Contrast is information, so what am I missing here or what am I supposed to be learning from this? Even the stuff that would normally make you go into overwhelm and panic, you can take a step back from it and see it with a new lens.

We need to be transparent with ourselves, and this is what I help people access in From Fear Into Love, finding the nitty gritty hidden parts of yourself that are sabotaging you.

Maybe you’re not sabotaging yourself in all aspects of your life. Maybe it’s just one or two main aspects of your life, or maybe it’s just loose ends that you want to clean up. Whatever it is, or something that you can’t quite put your finger on, because all the time inside of us, there’s some secret that we’re keeping to ourselves for some reason.

So here’s a question. Do you accept help as easily as you offer it? Because all of this goes into how you’re re relating to the material world around you. So when people offer you help, “Oh no no I can do it myself.”

In the early days of being on this path, I went to Carol McCall’s Power of Women workshop, and she said to me, “you’re not a team player!” Of course I took great offence to that because in my own perception I was a team player. Except that’s when she outed me because she said that I wasn’t sharing my whole self with people because at that time, my spiritual side was very much a secret, except to my very nearest, dearest and closest people so I was keeping that part of myself very hidden.

What it gave off was an energetic barrier, and people could feel that I wasn’t fully there with them. That very interesting bit of feedback that I didn’t like to hear at all, shifted my perspective, allowing me to be much more transparent with myself and others. She gave me homework, to go out there in the world and share my spirituality with others, especially to my business colleagues. It changed everything!

Now I talk all the time publicly about spirituality because it’s the most important thing there is. But, until I came to that point of understanding that this was a hidden part of myself, how could I share it?

And here’s another question: What steps are you taking to promote your own healing, and to ensure that your own self care is prioritised? So, this is not a simple one or two word answer. This takes you being 100%, responsible for your own transparency.

I really want you to think about that. What steps are you taking to promote your own healing, and to ensure that your own self care is prioritised?

Because when we’re not 100% healed, which nobody is, being transparent helps us see what we need to do in order to heal, what steps we need to take.

We do this in From Fear Into Love. If it’s time for you to know more about yourself, and if you believe that you’re transparent enough with yourself to receive more, we take that step by step and help you achieve that, over the course, and I’d really love to witness your transformation.

And I promise you, we can do that together, and that you will not be alone, through this whole process. So if you’re ready to finally take off whatever kind of veil or protection or blockage or cloak of invisibility that you’re wearing, because you’re so afraid for the world to see you… the true authentic you know it’s really time for us to have a conversation.

If you feel you’re ready now to move your energy and be present in your Spiritually Conscious Travels then please book a call with me.
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And if you haven’t already, please join my free Facebook group, The Spiritually Conscious Traveller to learn how to discover, recognise and release limiting, subconscious, habitual patterns so you can live the life you love.

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