It’s important to let go of secret expectations because often we feel let down by people; our friends, and maybe even by our kids. I’m not talking about when we’ve made a plan and somebody doesn’t show up. That’s something else.
I’m talking about when we haven’t communicated something that we want, expect, or assume from someone. We walk around with a lot of secret expectations going on.
And that sets us up for rejection.
And then when people don’t come through in the way that we wished they had, we feel like “nobody shows up for me.” Poor me!
That’s a vibrational thing. Lately, I’ve been noticing how held, how supported, and how seen I have felt from all of my friends and my father. People are showing up for me.
As you all know, I’ve been in a moving process which is always challenging and even Wonder Woman (that’s me!) has to sit down sometimes.
But I’ve been juggling too many plates and it got on top of me. My root chakra was out, I broke my pinky toe, lots of different little things. One friend came through showing me my patterns and calling me out on stuff. People have reminded me to rest and called just to make sure I’ve been okay because they could tell that my usually aligned self was a little bit stretched.
I thought how wonderful that all of these people are coming through for me. But what I also noticed in myself was that I didn’t have secret expectations that other people would come through for me. I simply asked for help.
And even for the few I didn’t literally ask for help from, I sure told my nearest and dearest what was going on for me. They could see that I wasn’t in my normal state of being and I think because I give out and help people so much, they reached out in kind. It hasn’t always been that way.
My best friend is here now visiting me and we were talking about the past when I also didn’t feel let down by my friends because I was so lost in a toxic relationship. But looking back I thought, “Why didn’t you step forward and tough love me then?”
We had a big conversation about that. True friends are not enablers. True friends are not there just to placate you and agree with everything that’s going on for you. True friends are there to call you out on your stuff, to say “hey, what are you doing that for? That doesn’t seem like you! That doesn’t even feel congruent to who I believe you are as a person!”
True friends are there to help you past the obstacles that you’ve put in your own path, that you can’t see, but they’re perfectly clear to other people.
And if you’re not speaking up for your friend because you’re afraid that they’re not going to receive you that’s your stuff that you’ve got to look into. Because what’s the worst that’s going to happen? You’re going to piss your friend off because they’re not going to hear or they’re going to get defensive. Well maybe, but at least in yourself, you know that you’re being a true friend.
I asked again why my friend didn’t step forward in the past. And she said, “Well, you know, you are a force to be reckoned with!” And I thought well, yeah, I am. But that’s also why I like coaching! Cards on the table because it’s transparency, it’s vulnerability. It’s, calling out the bullshit, really.
I like coaches who will meet me where I’m at. And it’s wonderful when you have somebody who isn’t afraid to do that. I’ve found amazing teachers and wonderful coaches who do that. Who call it like they see it, because that’s the way you’re going to help people evolve. That’s the way you’re going to help people over the blocks that they’re putting in their own path or bring their awareness to them because when we’re lost in our own stuff, whatever it is, we need an outside point of view.
In order to not set up silent expectations, you need to feel safe and confident in yourself to speak your truth to be able to say, “hey, I’m feeling vulnerable. I need a little bit of help.”
I’ve signed up for a TEDx course and was supposed to do the deep dive call with the woman who’s running it. When she asked me how I was, I said, “Honestly?” And I told her that I was a bit over-stressed for me, that I’m not normally like this, that I’m usually aligned, but things have been going on.
She was great. She didn’t judge me. She said, “Oh, let’s reschedule the call. But let’s use this time to coach you out of this state.” I thought wow. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable with others and share your vulnerability, that’s kind of like asking for help.
You’re sharing your whole self then, and you’re allowing people into your energetic field. You’re not putting up a wall or a mask of “I have to be strong.”
I don’t think I used to share my vulnerability so much in the past because I had a judgment about it. I believed if I was vulnerable, I would be seen as being weak or not as together as I actually am or not in alignment when really I am or whatever. All of those worries are you judging yourself.
So being vulnerable, is being transparent. It’s being human, saying, “yeah, okay, I’m Wonder Woman most of the time but I’ve taken off my cape. I’ve put down my golden lasso for a while. And I’m taking a rest. And yeah, I’m doing everything I can to keep it together. But also I need a little break, and I need help.”
It’s wonderful to ask for help. People LIKE to help. We don’t need to be sorry to ask for help. We all deserve help. If you’re a person who gives and gives and takes care of everybody, and you need some help from others, your loved ones really ought to be there with joy and pleasure and if you don’t feel safe to ask, there’s something inside you that needs to be healed.
If you don’t feel safe to be vulnerable and speak your full truth, especially to your friends and your nearest and dearest, there’s something inside of you that needs to be healed.
If you’re holding silent expectations about people coming forward for you, but you’re not sharing your vulnerability, you’re expecting people to be telepathic and that’s not fair, and you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. This is part of the secret ways that we sabotage ourselves.
Because I’ve been sharing my vulnerability with my nearest and dearest without any judgment about it, people have been really showing up for me with kindness, empathy, and help. I’ve felt seen and held and heard. It’s been a very beautiful experience.
So I wanted to share that with all of you because you need to look at your ability to be vulnerable. When we can be transparent, there’s no kind of “keep out” sign that makes people really want to investigate, right? We don’t need to have shame over being vulnerable. It’s part of being human.
In fact, it’s a strength. The people who can be the most vulnerable, free from all of that stuff that’s attached to it, are the people who are the strongest because they can flow and they can receive help and love and guidance from their nearest and dearest.
I too am here for you as one of your nearest and dearest even if you have never even met me yet! Book a mind shift call 20 minutes free. Have an aha moment, get a new perspective on your life.
Or look at my From Fear Into Love – my 12-week signature offer course. I’m taking enrolments now. You’ll shift your life in week one and the “aha” moments keep coming. So isn’t it time to finally get a grip on what’s been holding you back subconsciously? Because consciously we’re all pretty intellectual and smart people. We can see most things but all of us have subconscious suppressed stuff. So speak to me. This is the work I do. Let me help you shift out of that so that you can be your brightest, most vulnerable in a safe way, self.
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