You Get What You Give

My father is visiting me in England and it’s wonderful to have him here. My daddy as you all know, was the source of my root core wounding and although we’ve always had a loving relationship, because of my wounded childhood perspective, I had a lot of sorting out to do. There was a lack of communication between my dad and I.

But instead of staying angry with him my whole life, I did my inner work, which is what I teach all of you to do. Meanwhile, Dad’s been having his own amazing journey. He’s quite an exceptional person, so I thought I’d bring him to the table so that you could all meet him too. Jim Flaherty.

Dad is an author. He was the Creative Director of major New York advertising agencies for many years. That’s how he earned his success and supported all of us. He’s the author of four books so far and working on his fifth. But the most recent book that he’s published is called Embrace Your Age – You Can Be Better Than Ever.

Me: So Dad, what inspired you to write Embrace Your Age?

Jim: Shannon didn’t tell you something which is very important. I’m 87. But I tell people I’m 87 going on 60 because I really don’t know what it is to feel 87. But I do know people who are 50, 60, or 70 who don’t live anymore! They’ve retreated from life. And it really bugs me, quite honestly, I get pissed off. I’ve tried not to lecture, but I became annoyed enough that I wrote a book about it. The honest ones say, “thanks it helps.” So that’s really why I wrote it. I want people to live and to enjoy life. Life goes on, you know, there’s no guarantee that we’re going to wake up tomorrow on the right side of the grass. But I don’t plan on waking up on the wrong side of the grass either. So, therefore, I’ve got a lot of books. I’ve got things to do.

Me: You can see how all of this combines. I mean Daddy’s 87 and is very with it. I feel very blessed. I’ve met people much younger, who seem like 100 years older than him. Obviously, health and genetics come into it. Luckily we come from a good line. And he takes care of himself every day. Like my next book, called Dating Your Life – Using Your Emotions As A Guidance Tool, his same philosophy is taking care of yourself and making the most of what you have while maintaining a positive mindset because that really sets you up for every day. In fact, where did you get your positive mindset from?

Jim: Okay, they say we are we are all our mothers. My father died, unfortunately when I was very young. So I was raised by a wonderful woman. She was smart, and totally with it. And when I was about 20, she sat me down and said, “I want you to know something. Every day, every morning of your life. You’re going to have to face your biggest enemy. Your biggest critic, the highest wall you’ve got to hurdle in life. It’s that person in your bathroom mirror and you have a choice. Every morning you can say with dread, ‘Good God! Another day,’ or smile sweetly at that person looking back at you and say, ‘GOOD God, another day!’” and another chance to go out and sense, taste, smell, and feel.

Me: It’s true because if you embrace yourself first thing in the morning and not pick yourself apart by focusing on your wrinkles or grey hair, but if you start to love yourself every single day, it sets you up for what the universe is offering out there. Who am I going to meet today? I wonder what’s going to happen? I wonder what cool opportunities are going to come to me? That even makes going to the grocery store exciting. So even the mundane things in your life, and we all have to face the mundane aspects of running a business, or commuting, going to work, changing the baby’s nappies, whatever it is that you’re doing that isn’t the best part of the day. It doesn’t have to spiral you down or even dip your energy if you’re in a positive mindset. So what would you say Daddy is one of the main messages of your book – the takeaway if you were going to tell someone something to inspire them today, what would it be?

Jim: Okay, if you’re sitting here with me I would say right this minute, you are the oldest you’ve ever been. Right? You are also the youngest you’ll ever be. So we can’t afford to waste the day. Can we? Think about that. It really is very important. You’re the oldest you’ve ever been the youngest you’ve ever been or you’ll ever be.

Me: Yes! You’re on a pivotal moment with your mindset every single day. You’re in this place where what you think is a choice. What you say is a choice. What you do is a choice and if you decide to do nothing and stay in bed all day in your jammies and watch Netflix, that’s also a choice. Being passive and not making a decision or not taking action is a choice. If you’re making a decision without actually having the whole story, that’s a choice.

And this is often where sabotage comes into it. We cut ourselves off before we even give ourselves the best opportunity to hear the other perspective. Before we say ‘no, I can’t afford it or I can’t do that’ we come up with all of the reasons which are based on our childhood perceptions of why we can’t do something that sabotages ourselves before we even start. That’s old behaviour. But here we are today. Like Daddy said, the oldest we’ve ever been and the youngest we’re going to be, so don’t you want to change that old behaviour, so your next phase of life can not be built on the wounded perspective or the limited perspective of your childhood, but with an open palate and a clear plate so that you can invite in opportunity?

You don’t know where or when it’s coming to you. What was one more point about your book you want to share Dad?

Jim: One thing I feel very strongly about was that I was raised with the old golden rule, which is a great idea but as a writer, I think written with terribly awkward language, ‘do unto others as you would have others do unto you.’ You know, lay that on a four or five year old and they’ll say, ‘Huh?’ So years ago, because I had two little girls to raise only 19 months apart in age, I re-wrote it, not just for them but also for myself because I like the message. I simplified it into five words: ‘You get what you give.’ If you give a sympathetic ear, a generous heart, a helping hand, a loving hug, you get that back. If all you do is criticize, complain, bitch, argue, and demand that also comes back to bite to you in the butt. So it’s really, give good, get good.

Me: And in the world in which I live and teach, he’s talking about vibrational energy; what your vibration is. It’s not just about what you say and what you do, but it’s also about what you think and what you feel. Where people fall short on the law of attraction, they think they’re saying all the right things and doing all of the right things but are you thinking all of the right things? Are you feeling all of the right things? If you’re still angry inside or holding onto something or thinking negative thoughts or making up stories in your head, then you’re sabotaging yourself every step of the way.

When you can start to clear up those root core woundings, your relationship with yourself changes, your relationship with your parents, the people who wounded you, changes, and their response back to you changes too. I’m super happy to have this beautiful relationship with my gorgeous father, and that we’ve been able to heal all of the things that needed healing between us and it hasn’t been easy all the time. But we’ve done it with respect, admiration, and good humour.

I highly recommend healing your past with your parents because that’s just a child’s perception that you’re carrying around. So many people give up on their parents because they were such ‘idiots’ except that once you become a parent, you realise it’s not all easy. Your parents are people. They’re going to make their choices. And of course, our parents choices impact us, but it doesn’t have to ruin us or cut us down. And no matter how horrible they’ve been, you can turn it around in yourself even if you never speak to them again. But I’m really happy that I can speak with my dad.

Jim: I wasn’t that horrible?

Me: No. It wasn’t that bad. Anyway, it’s been lovely to introduce my beautiful father to you all. I’m sure you’re all happy to see where I get it from. I’m just a chip off his very old block.

Jim: Knock off that old crap!

Me: I sure hope I’m just as with it when I’m 87!

The next run of From Fear Into Love is coming up very soon. I’m taking enrollments now. You can look online and check all of the links to see what the course is all about. If you think you can’t afford it, I would say book a mind shift call with me anyway because there’s probably something in there that you need a little reframe or a new perspective about. I like to be flexible so that healing is available for everyone. So book a call and let’s have a chat. Make the decision to get the whole story before you take action.

Book a free 20-minute mind-shift call, for a new perspective on your current situation.